I do not considered myself to being doing battle with MS anymore than I think of my body as a battleground between healthy and diseased. “In this corner we have ‘Healthy Hannah’ battling the evil ‘Diseased Kid’! Nhat! I am right handed, I am a red-head with highlights of ash blond (gray). I like popcorn and red wine (not together). I also have multiple sclerosis. I do not spend my days bemoaning the fact that I have an itty, bitty, incurable disease. I do not spend my days worrying about the fact that my hair is turning gray (ash blond thank you very much). The fact that I have a disability is rather hard to hide. I am in a wheelchair. But this also does not occupy my thoughts. Do you spend the entire day worrying about your choice of shoes that morning? I am fully aware of my limitations just as you are aware of yours. There are certain concessions that have to be made because I am in a wheelchair just as you might make concessions due to an allergy to peanuts.
I try to live each day to the fullest because I am a vibrant, incredibly cute, mildly funny, individual. Period. Not because I have a disability or because I have to prove something to the rest of the world. The rest of the world can do whatever it wants (within reason). I am responsible only for myself. I wish to live a full life and I am endeavoring to do so.
I am beginning to understand that the way I see the world is perhaps not that common. I watched a program about someone with MS who is going blind and has difficulty walking. He spoke about his battles with this ‘debilitating’ disease. He is a successful man with a wonderful wife and several beautiful children. He does not appear to be in financial difficulties. To the outside world he looks to be in good shape. I do not doubt for a second that in his world he is indeed doing ‘battle’ with an evil foe. I simply see the picture a little differently. Yes I have missed out a few things I had hoped to have in my life: husband, children, career, but I do have something that is invaluable to me: myself. I am in a good place in my life and I believe I will make a difference to others in my own way, in my own time. That I think is what I want my legacy to be: ‘she made a difference’. Not yet of course, I have 50 or so years to go before I want any legacy talk!