The Battleground

Nov 5 2013 017

I do not considered myself to being doing battle with MS anymore than I think of my body as a battleground between healthy and diseased. “In this corner we have ‘Healthy Hannah’ battling the evil ‘Diseased Kid’! Nhat! I am right handed, I am a red-head with highlights of ash blond (gray).  I like popcorn and red wine (not together).  I also have multiple sclerosis. I do not spend my days bemoaning the fact that I have an itty, bitty, incurable disease.  I do not spend my days worrying about the fact that my hair is turning gray (ash blond thank you very much).  The fact that I have a disability is rather hard to hide.  I am in a wheelchair.  But this also does not occupy my thoughts.  Do you spend the entire day worrying about your choice of shoes that morning? I am fully aware of my limitations just as you are aware of yours.  There are certain concessions that have to be made because I am in a wheelchair just as you might make concessions due to an allergy to peanuts.

I try to live each day to the fullest because I am a vibrant, incredibly cute, mildly funny, individual.  Period.  Not because I have a disability or because I have to prove something to the rest of the world.  The rest of the world can do whatever it wants (within reason). I am responsible only for myself.  I wish to live a full life and I am endeavoring to do so.

I am beginning to understand that the way I see the world is perhaps not that common.  I watched a program about someone with MS who is going blind and has difficulty walking.  He spoke about his battles with this ‘debilitating’ disease. He is a successful man with a wonderful wife and several beautiful children.  He does not appear to be in financial difficulties.  To the outside world he looks to be in good shape.  I do not doubt for a second that in his world he is indeed doing ‘battle’ with an evil foe.  I simply see the picture a little differently.  Yes I have missed out a few things I had hoped to have in my life: husband, children, career, but I do have something that is invaluable to me: myself. I am in a good place in my life and I believe I will make a difference to others in my own way, in my own time.  That I think is what I want my legacy to be: ‘she made a difference’.  Not yet of course, I have 50 or so years to go before I want any legacy talk!

 

14 thoughts on “The Battleground

  1. Pamela Beckford

    I agree totally (except I do enjoy red wine with popcorn!).

    I’m fortunate because I have relapsing remitting MS and have not had a relapse in over 10 years. I am still aware I have this disease. But it does not define me.

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  2. theforestscribe

    I reckon you’ve hit the nail on the head. Incorporating illness and other struggles into our lives as opposed to obsessing on them allows us to handle and live and flourish, albeit with more difficulty than we expected. As to the wine, don’t drink and drive sweet girl….that wheelchair could do some REAL damage hehehehehe xxxx

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