Alone

March 18 2014 008

There are days when I feel so very alone.  There is no one dealing with my problems, no one can understand what I am going through.  I am alone.  Yup I am.  I am alone because I haven’t learned to reach out to another.  I am alone because I am too proud to tell people just how alone I am.  That WAS me.  It has taken me a very, very long time to admit I needed help but finally accepting that I am not invincible has kept me from being so very alone.  Yes there are days when I really do not want to be around people, I want to be alone. Fortunately those days are few and far between.  When I was working I was around a great many people and I do feel the loss but I am able to reach out to others daily if I want to.

There is a different kind of alone that only someone with a disease can understand fully.  I may look as if there is nothing wrong with me (ignore the wheelchair) but looks are deceiving.  When I was walking I appeared to be healthy but I was constantly aware of my situation.  I had to be.  I had to be careful not to get over tired, too hot, too cold, too much stress . . . .Life was difficult.  It was more difficult because people were unable to understand my needs.  Often my fatigue was believed to be simply an excuse to ‘get out of’ something.  Appearances mean so much and they are so misleading.

Another person with MS might understand what I am going through but even there it is difficult because this disease is so different in each of us. What they can understand is how easy it is to be misunderstood.  I am sure each of us has a story or two to tell.  There is sadness and there is humour.  This disease is a part of my life but it is not my life. And I am not alone.

13 thoughts on “Alone

  1. fairydisenchantment

    It was such a weary, lonesome day for me today — one of those days I’m just too tired to pretend to be what the “you look so good” people see in me. It seems the change of season wreaks havoc with our symptoms, and yet the worst ones seem to revel in their invisibility. But wouldn’t you know it, I came here and you had just the words to redirect my thoughts. How nice that we can be alone together!

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  2. scottishmomus

    Appearances can indeed be so deceptive. So many of the ‘invisible’ illnesses are ignored or misunderstood. We do need to learn to take another’s word for how they are feeling. I know from chatting to others on WP that they become so frustrated with how they are perceived by others who cannot or will not attempt to understand. The internal hurting is often as painful as the visible.x

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  3. Catherine

    One thing I know to be true, complete strangers met, MS is the common denominator, and an instant bond and friendship develops! We’re never alone, encouraged each and every day. That’s dear Quiall! I’m thankful for the blessing you are to many, that includes me! I hope you find the same sense of comfort with the blogging community! 🙂

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    1. quiall Post author

      When I first started blogging it was with great trepidation: would people like my words? I have found compassion, support and yes friendship here. Thank you for being one of them. I am truly blessed!

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