Monthly Archives: April 2014

The sun, the moon and the stars.     

doghfrr

Are you the sort of person that likes to get up early in the morning, have a cup of tea and watch the sun rise?  Or perhaps the kind that likes to bray at the moon in the wee hours of the night.  Do you like to enjoy the quiet time at dusk and watch the sun set.  Either way we are often touched by the sun the moon and the stars in ways that are inexplicable. I find I need the quiet times, the times when I don’t have to talk or listen, I can just be.  Perhaps it is the need to recharge or be introspective.   I don’t know.  What I do know is that the time I spend in quiet reflection is when I recharge myself.  I am not talking about my physical energy; I am talking about my spiritual self.  I can ‘talk’ to my inner self without being perceived as ‘odd’ when I am alone.

 

I think we all need time for quiet reflection.  When you are dealing with something that is so much bigger than yourself it can be intimidating, even overwhelming.  It is often necessary to pull back and regroup.  If the situation is getting out of hand, stop.  Just stop.   Sometimes we need to figure out how to deal with a new situation and it may take some time.  When you have a disease like multiple sclerosis you will find that change is inevitable.  You may not walk as well today as you did yesterday or your arms may not function the same as they did last week.  You MUST roll with the punches.  If you need a cane today, use a cane today.  Deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.  Focus on today.  I used to type at work.  Today my right hand is curled and I am unable to use my fingers properly.  So I type differently.  I use my left hand fully and the middle finger and index finger of my right hand.  It is not as efficient as it was but it means I can still type.  I am right handed so writing with a pen is even more of a problem. Some days I use a computer program that types as I speak.  Very cool!

 

Able bodied as well as those with a disability need to overcome the hurdles we all face each day. This is something we all need to learn to do.   There is always a solution to your problem, it may just require some searching and it is usually not what you expected.  In the long run, I would rather overcome than give in.

 

 

 

THE GENTLE MOMENTS

 

 

March 29 2014 009

THE TIME WE HAVE UPON THIS EARTH

SO FLEETING IS ITS NATURE

BUT STILL WE HURRY THROUGH OUR LIVES

AND MISS THE GENTLE MOMENTS

THEY SAY THAT WE MUST STOP AND LISTEN

TO THE BEATING OF OUR HEARTS

BUT HEED I SAY THE SOUND YOU HEAR

IS DEEPER THAN A BEAT

A GENTLE MOMENT EXISTS IN TRUTH

IT WAITS FOR US TO NOTICE

DO NOT IGNORE AND JUST PASS BY

A PRECIOUS INSTANT’S NEAR

SO BOW YOUR HEAD AND LISTEN CLOSE

TO MORE THAN JUST YOUR HEART

THE SOUND YOU HEAR AND WONDER AT

IS THE DEPTH OF INNER PEACE

Confession

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I have a confession to make, the reason I started writing. I didn’t actually start writing for other people to read. I honestly thought that no one would be interested in what I had to say. But that was not important.  What was important then, as well as now, is that this is a wonderful way to focus my thoughts.  When I am writing my interest is on something other than dealing with this disease. I may kid around and make jokes but life with a disease, any disease, is somewhat more than a challenge. Sometimes it is really hard to paste a smile on my face to go out into the world. Sometimes I just want to cry, eat chocolate and drink tea.  There are times when my trusted companion, my dearest cat, just leaves the room.  Sometimes I am scared, annoyed, frustrated, even really, really not happy.  And you know what? That’s okay. The trick is not to let it go on for too long.

I will always wonder if this nasty disease is robbing me of yet more abilities on those days when I am tired.  I constantly ask myself if it is all worth it. But the answer is yes.  It is all worth it.  The struggle, the forced smile, it is all worth it.  Because it does give me a certain level of independence, perhaps not complete autonomy, but I can still think and do quite a bit for myself.  So the fight, the struggle for independence, the drive for usefulness is worth it.  The alternative is death.

Physical death is just one manifestation of the end.  Granted it is the most permanent.  I’m talking about the death of living. No more laughter, no more desires. An active mind trapped in a useless shell. That kind of demise frightens me more than physical death.  Death of life is the end of everything while still being aware of just what it is you no longer have.  Now that scares the hell out of me!  So to avoid that end I will continue to tell really bad jokes and to look for a cure to the symptoms of MS.  I’ll leave the cure to the disease to the experts.  IF THEY WOULD JUST HURRY A LITTLE . .