One step at a time …

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I wanted my first full post of the year 2015 to be insightful and germane.  I wanted to connect with people with words that were touching and provoking.  Here I am telling you all the things I was going to do.  And yet…

We have just finished celebrating Christmas and New Year’s.  There was, I am sure, frivolity and good natured rabble rousing!  But here’s the thing: Christmas is a sad time for me.  For me the event has always been a celebration of family.  Good food, good friends, good times.  Seven years ago I lost my father.  2 ½ years ago I lost my mother.  They were part of Christmas and now they’re gone.  Also in 2014 I lost my feline companion of 16 years.  Her brother departed five years before that.  So you can see I spend way too much time at Christmas thinking about who I have lost.  I am writing this on January 3 for posting on January 4.  On January 3, 2007 I received a phone call.  My father was gone.

Now thinking about my father I know exactly what he would say about all this maudlin reminiscing.  He would not approve!  My mother is looking over my other shoulder going “Tsk, tsk, tsk!  We raised you better than that!”  Honestly I swear my parents are sitting on my shoulders and the weight is sometimes overwhelming!

I have also been thinking about the day I was born.  I may have attended the event but I have no first-hand recollection of it.  I can only recount it because my mother told me the story so many times.  She usually did so after I had been caught doing something incredibly stupid because I was always in such a hurry.  She used to say that I was born in a hurry and that her actual labour only lasted 20 minutes!  She maintained that if the doctor delivering me had been standing a little to one side I would have been splattered against the far wall.  Who knew?

I guess with the beginning of the new year we look back to the past before moving on.  It is vitally important that we never forget our past, good or bad.  I don’t want to forget the pain of losing those I loved.  I don’t want to forget the anguish, the uncertainty or the humiliation of past events.  I would be afraid that if I lost the bad I would also lose the good.  I want to remember the love of family and friends.  I want to remember my kitten purring in my ear as I rubbed her belly.  She may be gone but her memory remains like a lifeboat in time.  I want to remember the first time I opened a book that had been published with my words in it.  I want to remember that first comment on my first blog post.  It was an incredible feeling!

As we go forward in life there are going to be good times and bad times.  There will be incredible highs and incredible lows and all of it will contribute to the amazing people that we are, or could be.  Embrace the less than stellar times and find something positive out of it.  Never take for granted the wondrous times and try to pay it forward.  This beautiful world we are inhabiting could be a paradise for everyone.  Let’s make that our goal. One step at a time my friends, one step at a time.

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12 thoughts on “One step at a time …

  1. emilievardaman

    So many losses. And for me, too.
    My parents have been gone for a number of years, and due to dementia, they were truly gone before that. I have only a sister and a cousin left (and their kids, which total thirteen). But “family reunion” takes on a whole different meaning now that all the elders and one cousin is gone.
    It leaves me as the matriarch. Me! What to do with that? I do not know. I tease my sister and cousin with it sometimes, telling them they have to cede to me at all times. Ha. None of us are built that way.
    In the last two years I’ve lost a delightful dog as well as my master purring companion. That’s in addition to more friends than I can count, including one on January 1.
    What I do with all of this is vow to love those who are left even more, and to let them know that. I vow to enjoy my days. I vow to live in peace.
    Hope your 2015 is wonderful, dear woman.

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  2. dflorack

    I often spend the holidays feeling the same. I remember all the years, gathered around the dining room table in my Mother’s house – I see all the faces that are no longer with me. All have died or moved far, far away. I try not to be maudlin because that makes it hard on my husband and sons. My husband always tells me to build happy memories for my sons, but it’s very hard not to miss what I once had. I had a wonderful, beautiful, loving family. I still have that – I am very blessed. It is just a different family – one of my own making, not one I was born into. I have to keep reminding myself that I am so blessed and lucky to have them.

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  3. scottishmomus

    It’s in our natures to grieve and remember. Not everyone manages to create such hope and positivity in recognising that the highs and lows are so full of the potential to make us better, stronger people. You have this in abundance, Pam.x

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  4. Melissa Shaw-Smith

    Your positive spirit always shines through in your posts and is much appreciated. I wish you all the best for 2015 and look forward to reading more of your insightful words.

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  5. davidprosser

    A number of sad losses over the years has moved me into pole position as the Patriarch of the family. Losing my wife not too long ago has taken away the prop for me and the helpful voice in talking over family matters. Christmas is not a good time of the year for me, especially when I think about those who should be there.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

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