Out of Control?

woman B

They say ‘time heals all wounds’. Well I’m here to tell you it ain’t so. Time gives you a different perspective on events, a means to distance you from the pain. Is it a cure for the pain? No. Time is a concept that was created by individuals to label and control the changes that happen throughout the course of their lives. So, time is a means of control. Curious. Does that mean that giving yourself ‘time’ to get used to an idea is actually giving you control over that idea? Well, yes.

One of the most difficult issues people with disabilities have to contend with is the loss of control. We cannot control our bladder, our legs, perhaps our lives. For anyone that is used to working and living independently that is a horrific situation. But if ‘time’ is really ‘control’ then we can take back what we lost: control. It just takes time. Let me explain. I can no longer walk. My legs do not work. Over time I have come to accept that. This, however, does not mean that I can no longer do what I once accomplished by walking. Getting from one place to another does not have to be done on the soles of your feet. It can be accomplished on the tires of a wheelchair. Because I can no longer stand I cannot reach items on my kitchen shelves. I employ the use of a ‘reacher’ which increases my reach by several feet. I once again have control back.

What we have to accept is that things have changed. Now, we can give up any control we have, go into an institution and let someone else decide the course of our lives or take back control. Yes it will take time. But nothing of any real importance was ever easy. Take the time, take control.


16 thoughts on “Out of Control?

  1. emilievardaman

    Sometimes We have no control.
    I want he my mother deteriora te And have less and less control. For a somanta Who was usted to being in control, i can only imagine how painful that was. And I hope and pray I will never be in that situation.
    But after my injury, now many years ago, I initially had no control. And I had no control over my therapy. But as time went on, I did get better, and eventually I was able to take charge of my recovery and even the therapies I used (some, of course, at my own expense.)
    My wounds are not all healed. They never will be. But my perspective and the way I have chosen to deal with them are fully under my control!


      1. emilievardaman

        Sorry about all the odd words in my previous comment. I was using my iPad which has suddenly decided to toss in whatever it feels like instead of what I type. It was early and I forgot to read it over first. Once it changed all the words in a sentence to Spanish words, complete with accents. I have no idea what to do about it!


  2. Jill Dunbar

    Beautifully written, Pam….You are certainly in control and how much I respect you for that!! J xo

    Peace and Love

    ~ Jill ~

    “Aspire to inspire before you expire”


  3. scifihammy

    It must be very difficult to come to terms with limitations. It is very hard to accept when things have changed. As you say, finding out what you can still do is a start, even if it takes longer. Keeping some sort of independence for as long as possible must also be good for morale.
    I watched a man arrive in his car to visit my neighbour, a psychiatrist. The man was in a wheel chair, but he could drive a special car. When he parked, he had a mechanism to off load the wheel chair from the roof rack. It all took him a long time to get out of the car and into the wheel chair, but he was independent and mobile, and that is what mattered. (Yes I chatted to him while this was going on – and apologised for LM barking her head off at him! It was all too exciting for her!)


  4. Sunshine Jansen

    Just got back from a trip where I had to say no to a hike I could have done 6 years ago; the “easy” hike I went on instead actually had a beautiful payoff and was much less crowded… Just making these decisions makes me feel powerful; you’ve hit the nail straight on again! 🙂



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