If only . . .


Do you ever do that? Do you ever wonder what would have happened if . . .? I try not to do it. But sometimes . . . The human mind is perhaps our greatest gift and our greatest curse. We have the ability to think, to create wondrous things. But we also have the ability to sabotage all that is good by simply worrying about it.

I have a great life. Unfortunately I am occasionally asked about what I have lost. This is not a topic I usually dwell on. For one simple reason:   it is too depressing. Okay, Let’s play the game. What have I lost? At the top of the list are family members and dear friends. I weep for them but they will always live in my heart and in my memories. We have all lost those we love.

What else have I lost? I no longer have the ability to stand or walk. That sounds like such a big thing and some days it is. But I get around from the seat of my wheelchair just fine. I was watching something on the news the other day and I saw people canoeing. I was once very good at that. Made me think nostalgically of the trips I’ve taken. I’ve been rock climbing, canoeing in northern Ontario, sailing, horseback riding, swimming. sports, travelling and more. The list is extensive. I always maintained that I was here for a good time not long time but it would be nice it was a good, long time!

Well, good is what you make it! I may not ever be able to do some of the things I have done in the past but I have my memories and they’re great! I have pictures of the places I have been and I can look back and relive those times. I can. But I don’t spend my time in the past. I loved it then. But now is the time for me. I want to enjoy my life now and I will work bloody hard to see that I do!

I never want to forget my past, good and bad. Because that is what made me, me.   All the experiences I have had, all the people I have met, all of it went towards making me the person I am today. And I like who I am. Do I wish that things had progressed differently? Sure. But they didn’t and this is my life and I will cherish it with every breath I breathe, cuz this is all I got and it ain’t bad!


40 thoughts on “If only . . .

  1. scifihammy

    A heart-warming post 🙂 I think we all get a little nostalgic at times, but you are right; it doesn’t do to dwell in the past, but make the most of what we have right here, right now. You are an inspiration! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. George

    We all ask ourselves the same question at times but as you say, there Is no point living in place we cannot change. Very nice post and an attitude we should all have in our lives. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Mark Lanesbury

    It takes time to understand and appreciate what you actually did do over many years Pam.
    In the wisdom of hindsight we DO see that this journey did the one thing that it was supposed to…allow us, to find us…and with great love.
    We touch and feel so many painful things…but…they teach the one thing that nothing else can…that appreciation, compassion, and a love like no other BECAUSE of those painful things.
    If it was just given to us, we would never understand or appreciate their worth.
    Hard yes, but in the words of the many sages, prophets and wise one’s…it is all given with great love…so that we can find our hearts, and that place we all seek in every waking moment…the happiness of unconditional love.
    So my friend, I feel the wisdom in your words, the beauty in your understanding, and also, but most definitely not the least…the love of self that you have built from within your journey. May that love always show you, that smile of unconditional love within 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Mark Lanesbury

        Thank you kind lady…it has been a wisdom gained only from life’s experiences, as we all do….AND, I was a silly bugger and asked spirit to show me how to be a healer…and didn’t I get shown. My own fears. Spirit said…I could not understand or ‘know’ what another is going through, and help them, unless I too had gone through it and truly knew what they were experiencing.
        I tried to get out of it, but I had already held my hand up so I got what I asked for 🙂
        But my, what an incredible journey, within those fears is the knowledge of forever.
        It is a decision that I have never regretted, the outcome is a beautiful place 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Léa

    While we don’t always choose some of the things that happen to us, the really ugly stuff in particular, it all goes into making us who we are. Our part in that, is to find out what we can do with it. Well done Pam, I believe you chose to be happy! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A J

    “I like who I am.” That’s one of the most powerful things one can tell oneself and I’m glad you feel that way! It’s such a simple thing, that you have to like who you are at this moment in time after all you’ve been through, but not many people are ready to make that statement about themselves. Thank you for sharing this with us! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people


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