Looking Back

As I have grown older and I am now embarking on a new decade, I find myself looking back. I am fondly reliving the things I did, wondering at the choices I made and remembering the incredible things I have seen. I have had a good life. But here’s the thing:  why am I looking back? It’s fun to reminisce but I should be looking forward and planning the next adventure. I should, but I don’t.

Now granted, due to my recent illness there are changes in my life that I’m having to get used to. And yes, that will probably take time. I’m not old! I’m older. I’m older than I was and not as old as I will be. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

I do find that when people reach a certain age (and that age changes individually) they seem to spend far more time in the past then they do in the future. I don’t want to be one of those people. I don’t want to get so lost in the joys and successes of my past that I miss out on making any new ones. That is so sad. I know individuals in their 70s, 80s and even the 90s who are making plans, enjoying life. They are actually living their life. They are not sitting on their proverbial laurels and wallowing in the past, they are making new memories! I admire that and I can’t figure out why I’m not doing it!

At this point I have to make a confession:  I am not a patient person. Oh, I love to sit quietly and read a book from cover to cover but when I do . . . do not interrupt! I find it difficult to watch a movie, unless it is incredibly engrossing, without doing something else at the same time. I expected to be able to do exactly what I was doing before I went into hospital. I’m also little thick. (I do hate the word stupid but sometimes I do a really good imitation)

My reality has changed. I’m not as strong as I was. I require more care, more assistance. So changes have to be made.  I can do that. Trouble is coordinating everybody else. I do have plans in my head I can’t quite get everyone else to see. But it is good. I just need to be patient.

And I really do need to stop remembering that idyllic weekend in northern Ontario sitting on a rock overlooking the lake. He was 6 foot two, curly blond hair, broad-shoulders, hands that . . . Good girls don’t kiss and tell!

27 thoughts on “Looking Back

  1. Dan Antion

    Well, you don’t have to forget everything 😏

    You’re right about looking forward. It’s important. Of course we need to keep it in perspective, but we can change that, too. I wish you well on the next phase, Pam. I just hope you bring us along.

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  2. beryljones

    I forgot to post my comment. I’ll try again!

    It’s true that many people spend a large part of their lives looking back instead of enjoying the moment and planning new ventures. Health plays a big role here. It’s hard to plan ahead if you aren’t up to snuff. But many healthy people still dwell in the past.

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  3. dweezer19

    I really understand what you are expressing Pam. I feel for you and I urge you to continue with your forward dreams but allow yourself the luxury of past remembrances too. Sometimtes they are what remind us of who we are and how much we have accomplished, encouraging us to do what others might find absurd. You..thick? Never. Now, buckle up that harness and get ready to zipline, lady! 😉PS. Mine was dark curls, a 50’s bar, and a stolen moment in the dark corridor where…..ssshhhh…

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  4. Mark Lanesbury

    Lol…your beautiful, do you know that! You sound like a friend of mine…absolutely no time to be ill, too many lovely things to do, create, visit or just plain old see 😀
    A life indeed is to be lived. Yes, visiting the past articulates the future, but only the bits our hearts want to ❤️

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  5. Murphy's Law

    Pam, I hope you never stop remembering that “idyllic weekend in northern Ontario”! I think remembering our past helps us to plan our future. Looking back at certain things can be a very enjoyable experience, or educational.

    An illness can change our lives drastically. I know from experience. But like anything else ‘new and different’ in our daily life, we need time to adjust to our ‘new norm’. And adjust you will, dear friend, because you are a positive, forward-thinking spitfire, with just enough piss and vinegar in you to get you through!!

    Can’t wait to read about your journey into your 60’s. It’s going to be a hoot! 🤗🤗
    🐾Ginger 🐾

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  6. scifihammy

    Maybe looking back on things is your mind’s way of keeping busy while your body heals some more and you adjust to your new routine? You did spend many weeks in hospital, where you could do nothing but read.
    I agree though, that it is not good to look back All the time. I feel sure that once you get a little more strength and get used to everything, you will be making plans for the future once again. 🙂

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  7. Jill Gear

    For me, looking back to learn is okay, but I sure don’t want to stay there…. Looking forward often creates anxiety for me, so I’m trying to be in the present moment…. Thanks for your incite, Pam…. Have a wonderful day…. Hugs, Jill

    Liked by 1 person

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