Several years ago, I was sitting outside a mall in the sun with a friend. Both of us were in wheelchairs. It was a good day; we had made some great purchases and we are laughing, enjoying life. When a complete stranger, an elderly woman (I swear she was pushing 200) approached us. Specifically, she approached me. She tapped me on my knee and said “It is so nice to see you out dear”. Without any reaction I replied “thank you” and then watched this antique specimen of female kind totter into the mall.
While I was still in a state of near shock I glanced over at my friend. I’m pretty sure her expression mirrored mine. Then we both started laughing. She pointed out that I showed great restraint. When I stopped choking through my mirth, I replied that given her age I’m pretty sure she meant well.
We have all been in situations where the reactions of other people are perceived to be condescending or patronizing. I have strong reactions to both. And since I am no longer that shy six-year-old, I can be quite pointed in my response.
When I returned home, I was inspired to write a piece called Conversational Comebacks. Some people saw the absurdity of the whole idea but others did not. And that is where my use of the moniker ‘Some People’ came from.
Especially with what is going around in the world today it is surprising how many ‘Some People’ are out there. They act as if they are the only ones inconvenienced by this pandemic. Inconvenienced. Now there’s a word that can get me going on a rant. But I digress.
In the world of the ‘witty comeback’ few people are consistently good at it. And of course, how many of us come up an absolutely brilliant retort hours or even days after the original comment. It loses something when you finally get the courage to say it. To that end I compiled a list of witty, hopefully pithy, remarks that may find a home in your conversations.
I eventually repurposed my Conversational Comebacks into Shady Quips. There had to be a few changes to make it palatable and I have continued to add to the list. Here are a few examples of my original ‘Comebacks’. If I offend, I apologize. If I make you laugh, well, that is my goal.
- In a battle of wits, you are unarmed.
- I love what you’ve done with your face, is it new?
- You look like the before picture in an emergency make-over.
- So, you failed your personality test.
- If appearances are everything honey, then you’ve got nothing.
- Where did you find your personality, the refuse bin?
- They say that Homo sapiens and the common chimpanzee are closely related; in you I can see the resemblance.
- Our species was once a single cell born in the primordial sludge three billion years ago. You seem to be reverting back.
- Are you related to the Syrian wild ass or are you just a common bigoted ass?
- You have a winning smile and a losing personality.
- I didn’t think minds could be that narrow.
- Did you study hard to be an idiot or does it come naturally.
Whew, that felt good to get it out! Regularly scheduled posts will now continue. Thank you for your patience.
Well, you made me laugh. I could have used a witty comeback when the lady pushed her shopping cart to me. Oh well, maybe someday.
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Your post made me think of these “Comebacks’ I wrote a few years ago. (It was supposed to be Sunday’s post, got my days mixed up!)
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Oh well, we got a twofer 🙂
I do get mad when I thnk of the perfect comeback days later. Actually, with that woman, other than a variety of bad words, followed by the B-word, I got nothin’
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How about: “Excuse me, I think you left your manners in the cart, I guess you’re not using them.”
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There was only one good response and, well, it is not G rated…
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I think I can guess that response, Cheryl. Pam’s is pretty good, albeit the lady is long gone 😦
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hahaha It did cross my mind! Fortunately it kept going.
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The most important thing about being a lady, is knowing when not be.
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I have had No 8 thrown (friendly like…I think) at me Pam but with a slight twist at the end….Our species was once a single cell born in the primordial sludge three billion years ago. Why are you still in the pool? 😂 🤣
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oooh I like that! Did you have your trunks on? (I couldn’t resist!)
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lol…I think I must have 😂 🤣
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Ahhhh, those comebacks. Why can we never think of them when we need them? Love yours. They do help to clear the air!
🐾Ginger 🐾
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hahaha. Thanks Ginger. I had way too much fun writing them . . . 101 and growing!
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I love these Pam, No 2 especially!
I tend to get backhanded compliments, the classic from my ex MIL who said the cake wasn’t bad ……….. considering I’d made it.
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hahaha. You could have asked if she liked the Arsenic Icing. You made it especially for her.
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priceless.
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Cool! Thanks for sharing.
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I am pleased you enjoyed it!
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I love it when I have a witty comeback at the ready. Conversely, I hate it when I think of it later on and go “Duh! I should have said that!”
Love Number 12.
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yep! Which is why I started writing them down. My ammunition.
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Go get em!
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Brilliance shinning after the moment vanishes, oft, never to return.
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One shinning moment often begets another and another and . . .
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My comeback is “It’s nice to be seen.”
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That works!
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Great collection. 🙂
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Originally there were 101 of them. There are more now.
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😀
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Good comebacks, though I’d never use them. But I’ll sure think them!
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That will make you feel better I hope.
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ROFL!! This is what I will refer to as The Dirty Dozen Way to be sarcastic and because it is delivered with such finesse, the receipient may not even know it is an insult haha! Well done Pam and I may borrow it to retort some morons I know of 🤣-with your permission, of course😄😄
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haha. Those are my favourite insults! Of course you have my permission! (what does ROFL stand for?)
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ROFL = Roll On Floor Laughing!🤣🤣🤣
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Thank you for letting me use some of these when appropriate!
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If you go to the top of my blog . . . under ‘More Stuff’, you will find my full list of Conversational Comebacks.
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My mind says a good comeback for her would have been, “And it is so nice to see you still above ground.”
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ooooh I like that!
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I never had the talent for a good comeback when needed. I’m usually just stunned into silence, but recently I discovered a single question that can apply in many (most?) of these kinds of situations …. ie ‘are you really that clueless?’ With the right tone of genuine concern, it renders stunned silence on the other end 😁
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I think that is an excellent comeback! But I also think too many people are . . .
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Yup. No argument from me on that one.
… admittedly I’ve had my fair share of clueless days 😏
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