Who are you? Who am I?

Who am I? At this exact moment I’m a writer sitting in front of my computer trying to coax words out of my brain to be formed into some semblance of intelligent thought. How am I doing so far? In a little while I’m going to be ensconced on my balcony with my ear buds in, totally immersed in an audiobook. In the same manner in which I used to lose myself in the pages of a paperback I now am able to lose myself in the voice of an actor performing an intriguing story. Then I will be a reader.

When I was working, I had a persona that I would put on every morning. Professional, calm and focused. I had a job to do. And for the most part I did it very well. I don’t want to brag and say I was perfect because, well, you know, that is so not me. Perfection is something to aspire to, not brag about.

I consider myself an accomplished and confident woman. I wasn’t always. And I still have those moments when I’m not. As a child I was terrified of everything. I had no self-confidence, I thought I was ugly and stupid. Maybe all children go through that phase. And how sad it is. But I was none of those things, I just didn’t know it. I didn’t know who I was or who I could be but over the many years I learned. I read about people I admired, I read about situations that I might one day be in and how to handle them. I would go to parties with pertinent topics to speak about intelligently because I had done the research, just in case somebody asked. I made me who I am today.

But I didn’t do it alone. Family and friends helped to mould me, to support me. Teachers and schoolmates, strangers on the street helped make me who I am today. Every interaction I’ve ever had with someone has left a mark as I have left a mark on them. Hopefully a positive one. But everything we do has consequences. If you smile at a stranger then perhaps they will smile at another stranger and the domino effect is born. Heady stuff I know but we are all interconnected. And that makes us all brothers and sisters.

Some days I am brilliant but some days I’m also that small child that was terrified of the air.  And at my core?  I still believe in who I am, right now.

 

28 thoughts on “Who are you? Who am I?

  1. Murphy’s Law

    I am so glad we are “sisters” Pam, even if we’re a bit twisted sometimes! As a kid I had the very same thoughts about myself. The difference between you and me is that I still have those thoughts, often. This piece is so beautifully expressed. I have no doubt many of your readers can relate to it.

    I’d like to think I cause a positive domino effect on people every time I smile at someone. Awesome! You have definitely left a mark on me from our interaction with your blog. How great is that?!
    Ginger

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  2. Mark Lanesbury

    Our journey is indeed the making of us dear lady, and your words sing that tune beautifully. So who in fact are you? You are that unconditional within my friend, just shining through this world before you go home ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. Dale

    I feel you completely on this, Pam. I lacked self-confidence (still do, at times) and learned to fake it till I made it, in some situations. You are right, we are a product of all that surrounds us, all we work to absorb as well as those that just happen organically. We learn, we grow, we share, we receive and how we use all of that together creates each and every one of us find people. You are definitely a sister!

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. Dan Antion

    All of the Pams I’ve met here on your blog have been winners. Self confidence was never my strong suit while growing up, and I still have doubts at times. Whatever personality you put on, I hope you enjoy yourself while reading and I hope your week starts well.

    Liked by 2 people

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  5. rangewriter

    I believe we all carry a bit of the terrified child within us. Some more than others. Maybe that’s to keep us humble. Although, some have never graduated from the terrified child but have adapted to it by being mean & pugnacious twats. (I will not mention any blonde elephants in the room.)

    Liked by 1 person

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