The Fragility of Life

Right now, more than at any other time in my life, I understand just how fragile life is. I’ve always known that a life could be snuffed out at any time for a myriad of reasons but this last 18 months has proven even more devastating. Over 5 million people have been lost to a tiny virus we can’t understand or see except through the eyes of our scientists. Yes, life is fragile.

Perhaps even more delicate, more tenuous is the life from within. I’m not talking about the bearing of children, I’m talking about our psyche, our feelings, our identity. People talk about mental health a lot these days and it is a huge issue but so many of us do not talk about it when referring to ourselves. I have not suffered severely during this pandemic. I am safe, I am entertained and I am well. That doesn’t mean I’m not suffering.  But when so much of the world is truly in such dire straits from loss of family, friends, jobs, protection, the list is endless. These people are suffering. I feel unworthy to use the word.

I am sad. I’m becoming apathetic. I am far too comfortable in my hermit mode and I know all it takes is for me to put on a mask and walk outside my door. But I don’t want to. I listen to my books and I watch TV. I’m not contributing anything. The fact that I have set up a schedule for my blog forces me to stick to a routine and that helps. I talk to friends on the phone and video chat. I’m not a complete isolationist. But I’m living too much in my mind and while it’s a very fine mind it is not where I should be. So, I’m writing about it. Think of this as a gentle rant.

I am uncomfortable in crowds so I don’t go out often. I’ve been out for lunch a few time with friends and I have enjoyed myself. I run errands when I need to and I’ll pick up a few treats occasionally. I haven’t been inside a bank since March 2020. I haven’t been to the mall in at least the same amount of time.  I’m not hiding from life, I’m just keeping it within the walls of my apartment. And I’m not the only one. There are others out there also feeling sad and perhaps a little overwhelmed. They don’t say anything because they don’t think they are genuinely suffering.  I disagree. When you get angry for no reason or cry for no reason, you are suffering. You are not alone! None of us are. That’s the first step, completed. Second step: try something new. Learn a new language, try writing your thoughts down, join a chat room or call a friend. They may be feeling exactly the same things you are. I hope the day will come soon when we fear less and hug more. I’ll see you there.

45 thoughts on “The Fragility of Life

  1. pensitivity101

    You are not alone Pam. We dislike crowds or crowded places and avoid them if we can. We shop, not browse like we used to, in and out adhering to our list, then home. Just recently, we stopped and had a cup of coffee and a sandwich in a cafe, purely because there was no-one else in there. We keep ourselves to ourselves, wave at people we know, chat with neighbours, but other than that, socialising is minimalistic, and suits us actually. We have had a lot of appointments at hospitals lately and stunned by the number of patients going outside for a smoke, no mask, no social distance, and visitors are the same. No-one is respectful of anyone else these days.
    Keep safe.

    Liked by 2 people

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  2. Murphy’s Law

    Reading your post this morning I feel as though you somehow pulled all these thoughts out of MY mind. So right off the bat I feel better knowing I’m not the only one who feels/thinks this way….and I’m definitely in good company.

    Like pensitivity101, we shop only when necessary. No browsing. We wear our masks. Almost no one else does any more. We do not entertain, nor are we entertained by family or friends. Our ‘highlights” are doctors appointments and tests!

    I worry about things now that used to roll off my back. Yes, life is fragile and more unpredictable than it ever was. Fortunately I have held on to my sense of humor and it keeps pulling me through those dark days. Like you, I’m safe, have food to eat, a roof over my head, friends and family I can converse with via phone or texts and emails. And I always have chocolate within reach!🤪

    Following you, as well as a few other bloggers, keeps me connected to the world and helps keep me sane. None of us is alone. Maybe we have to make the first move to reach out to someone, but that’s all it takes.

    Stay strong my dear friend and keep staying safe. I don’t think you have any idea how incredibly helpful your posts are. You have a way of putting ‘our’ thoughts and feelings into words that we can each relate to. You are a gifted writer,
    Ginger

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      1. Mark Lanesbury

        Sorry Ginger, the @$%*&$! WordPress blocked me from leaving a comment so I snuk in here. How could I possibly not comment on this for Pam 🤣
        Beautifully written dear lady, you’ve painted your heart in your words and it is a blessing to ‘feel’ those words. It is indeed testing us a lot regardless of where we feel we are, pushing those safe spots we think we are in. And I think it will ‘hatch’ something which may not be particularly apparent at the moment but is gently tapping us on the shoulder saying…we don’t want this anymore. So now we get to take a step, any step beyond what is here, even if to just speak it out loud (as you have so beautifully done! ❤️ 🙏🏽). That in itself is change and create something we will 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

        Liked by 1 person

      2. quiall Post author

        I’m sorry you’re having trouble Mark but as always you will find a way through! I believe we will get through this and we will get through it with honour, most of us.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. joylennick

    Thanks for your meaningful words, Pamela. I’m sure you speak for many…We are retired in Spain and are fortunate to live in a relatively ‘safe’ area. As soon as Covid hit the news,the authorities (including the police) really laid down the strict rules and fined anyone who didn’t comply! Un
    like Madrid and Barcelona, we consequentially had few cases. Unlike the UK and US, waiters and shop-keepers strictly continued to wear a mask, and locals, generally, do what’s necessary. However, it only needs one or two ‘disbelievers’ to rock the boat. This week, one of our Writers’ Ink group announced she was a “Researcher” and ‘the world’ was trying to commit “wholesale genocide”! (No names mentioned?!) She reckons more people are dyng from the virus antidote than of the virus itself, while I happen to know of several people who were unvaccinated and sadly died and a few who caught it mildly and recovered We made it clear if she was unvaccinated and unmasked, she wouldn’t be welcome to our meetings. Such people are not only totally selfish, they’re dangerous.. Upwards and onwards. .

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    1. quiall Post author

      I think our greatest danger right now, after Covid, are the people who refuse to comply. If they want to put their lives at risk that is their choice but I resent them trying to take mine as well. You have said wise words.

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  4. Sorryless

    I relate, Pam. I have shut myself in to a great degree, keeping myself busy with my hobbies and my interests. I can count on one hand the number of times I have gone out with friends over the last year. The pandemic fed that side of me that prefers to be alone and to do endeavor in solitary mode.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Dan Antion

    You are not alone, Pam. However, you are incorrect when you say “I’m not contributing anything…” – You contribute a lot. You make us think, you make us feel and you make us laugh. My world wouldn’t be the same without you, and that’s a fact.

    Liked by 3 people

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  6. dweezer19

    I agree with Dan. Your being here is with purpose. Your expression of life is worthy. There are millions of people going out there, moving, working and yet not contributing in the wonderful ways that you do. My oldest son started working from home during the peak of Covid and since their baby has respiratory vulnerability they hardly ever go out even now. They order food, groceries and supplies and have them delivered. They go to limited events and museums, things that my grandson would enjoy. None of us prefer going out among crowds back home to shop or eat because of the reasons you stated. Too many people wanting to challenge, argue, be belligerent or just refuse to comply with safety mandates. That’s one reason why we came here. The mandates are there. People wear masks. Businesses comply if they wish to remain open. Sadly, most of the grumbling I hear comes from expats and Europeans who have moved here. But here they don their masks and go with the flow. It is an anomaly. Bottom line. Do what makes you comfortable and happy. Your home is your oasis. If it ever feels like a prison, time to go out again. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. Karla

    Beautiful, Pam. I hope you know how much your words mean to all of us. You eloquently and truthfully share that which can be hard to explain. I hid in my RV~it took selling it and moving into my tiny house to get out again. Through writing, I’m finding confidence. Your words can help those who just need someone to understand. You’re a vital part of our community. May we all feel that in our hearts and minds.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. quiall Post author

      I appreciate your words Karla. I truly believe that I am saved by the people I have met online. If I have contributed to others positively then I am most pleased.

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  8. CarolCooks2

    Beautiful written, Pam, your thoughts and actions mirror ours in many ways…I shop online where I can and venture out once a month to shop where masks are mandatory as is social distancing for which I am grateful but we do have invitations from friends which we decline as there seems to be a consensus among them that having people into their homes, drinking and socialising unmasked is ok..it scares me …we are staying put…

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  9. Dale

    I have always been a social butterfly. Since Mick’s death, I have learned to be alone and have become very comfortable with it, which is surprising. Since the pandemic, I have found myself often declining get-togethers, often using the distance excuse (or being the odd man in a group of couples). I just don’t feel like making the effort. It worries me a little sometimes. I have gone out a handful of times with a select few, though so I’ve not completely cut myself off. And here’s the thing. It’s not even because I’m scared. I’ve become complacent.

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  10. Widdershins

    Masks are still mandatory here,(and probably will be until the spring ‘hump’ has passed) and almost everyone seems to be getting on with life under this new paradigm. Of course there’s still the odd one or two who don’t, but there’s always going to be one or two isn’t there?
    I think the last time I exchanged words that weren’t electronic in some way was at the Costco pharmacy a week ago, when I said ‘thanks, have a nice day’, at the end of the transaction!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. quiall Post author

      I find I am uncomfortable not wearing my mask outdoors. I will have to get used to not wearing it one day, I hope. I worry that the niceties we used to use without thought will not be there when the world opens up. I guess I worry about the silly little things in life. But they make it so much fun!

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    1. quiall Post author

      Your hobby is travel, I understand. Have you ever considered doing it virtually? I ask because several years ago I went to New Zealand virtually. It was a lot of hard work but it was also a lot of fun. I hope to go there one day. And thank you for following my blog.

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