Author Archives: quiall

About quiall

I am a woman with a mission: to live life to the fullest. I will not let an itty, bitty incurable disease stop me. It may slow me down but like a ship dragging an anchor, I'll get there eventually. Walk with me at www.butterflysand.com

I’m Feeling Wonderful

I’m feeling wonderful,

And I don’t know why!

I’m on top of the world,

And there’s rain in the sky!

 

The sun shines around me,

Tho’ the clouds up above.

There’s a smile on my face,

And I’m thinking thereof.

 

I don’t understand,

The happiness I feel.

I frankly don’t care,

I hope that it’s real.

 

The feelings I feel,

Are only for me.

Others may have them,

Just now let me be.

 

This day like the others,

When I’m feeling this good,

I’ll treasure the memory,

And do what I should.

 

I’m feeling wonderful!

And I don’t know why.

I’m on top of the world,

I tell you no lie!

 

 

In a Rush

Frank over at beachwalkreflections.wordpress.com has constantly been inspiring me, enticingly me, compelling me to think. I love it. A recent post of his did just that.  It is called Rush. In its simplest terms it’s about how we as a species always seem to be in a rush. Ain’t it the truth?

It made me think of a story that my mother used to tell me about how I was born. It seems I was in a hurry even then. My mother had been taken to the hospital by my father and the doctor on duty told them that it would be hours before I was born, I was a third child, so my father could continue onto his business event. My mother would be fine. Shortly after my father left, my mother’s doctor came in, took one look at my mother and basically said ‘this woman is about to have a child on the floor!’

We laughed about it. My mother always maintained that if the doctor had not been standing exactly where he was when I literally popped out, I would’ve been smashed against the far wall. And that laid the foundation for my personality. I’ve always been in a rush. I was in a hurry to grow tall enough so that my feet would touch the floor when I sat on a chair. I was in a hurry to grow up so that I could wear make-up, kiss boys, go to university, get a job… I was impatient. I always seemed to do my best work when I was under a time crunch, I loved deadlines. I would often wait until the last minute to do an essay or project because I loved that thrill of near panic. Diamonds are formed under pressure. Yep, I am an original.

That is not to say that I missed my life as it whizzed by.  I savoured my adventures, my relationships, my life. I just did it in second gear. And then I was diagnosed with MS. Talk about an eye-opener. Not only was I forced to slow down, I was forced to stop. You know what happens in a car when you stomp on the brakes. Everything becomes topsy-turvy until it finally settles. That is exactly what happened to me. It took me several years to adjust to a slower speed and even to stopping. But I take the time to enjoy it now. I still love deadlines. I still love the thrill of getting something done just before it’s due. I love working on my blog the day before I’m expected to post something just because it’s exhilarating.

And while my body may have slowed down to a comfortable crawl, my mind is still working in overdrive. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

I Did It!

I did it,

I killed him

I did wilfully commit homicide

I did with malice aforethought take the life of another and end it

I feel no remorse, no compassion.  I feel sated.

The long winter is over and now life can begin anew

He is dead

For a short time, I felt loved as a woman should be loved

And I returned the feelings tenfold.

When you love so deeply you can be hurt just as deeply.

I was lied to.  I was betrayed.

The scars run deep.

Perhaps too deep.

I did not feel his life ooze from between my hands as it left his body.

I did not feel his warm blood lessen the chill in the air

As it slowly covered the ground beneath him.

I did not mark him as he left his mark on me.

But he is dead and I am alive

I will continue to live.  He will not.

He will enrich the soil with his decaying bones

And life will blossom from his effluents.

I am alive.

He no longer holds sway over me.

It is over.

I killed him in my mind.