Tag Archives: attitude

In Earnest

The quiet of dawn,

Was a wonderful spell.

I cherish the moment,

But I’ve something to tell.

 

Ginger, my friend, said,

I think there is more.

The sun’s in the sky,

And we’re keeping score.

 

It happens in earnest,

The day will begin.

The peace of the morning,

Is gone on a whim.

 

There’s breakfast and dressing,

The others to awake.

I hate to admit it,

It’s not a mistake.

 

To pay for this life,

We cherish each day.

It comes with a cost,

There’s no other way.

 

We must get to work,

With crowds all around.

Fighting with traffic,

Oh, what a sound!

 

There’s huffing and puffing,

And scurrying about.

It happens each day,

I leave you no doubt.

 

Exhaustion sets in,

As you dream for an end.

Counting the days,

Till you can amend.

 

Fondly remember,

The peace that you had.

And know in your heart,

The rest isn’t bad.

 

 

Dot, Dot, Dot . . .

Most of my regular readers are familiar with my use of three dots.  I am of the generation that is not completely comfortable with the use of emojis. Quite frankly, I would have to invent my own. I find them woefully inadequate and they do not represent the emotion I would have at that time. I would only be able to use something that was an approximation. That ain’t me.

At its most basic, writing conveys information. Information can be sterile and while edifying, it really has no emotion. Individual words, sentence length and punctuation do attempt to fill in the gap but they too are inadequate. Communication is approximately 90% nonverbal. 90%! The twinkle in the eye, the upturned corner of the mouth, the slight flush to the cheeks or the bowed head. A sigh, a giggle. These all speak volumes without words. Inflection, hesitation, volume, all of these speak to emotion in the meaning of the words. A gifted writer will convey all of these with their words. A gifted writer. The rest of us just fumble. Hence . . .

Punctuation can help with inflections on sentences or words. Three dots imply a hesitation, a pause. During a face-to-face conversation that can be quite telling. If I have to explain to my readers that my eyebrows were raised while making a statement then that statement becomes unimportant, even amusing. And yet if it is done while we are speaking face-to-face it will emphasize the statement.

Social media has enabled us to stay in touch but it has taken the colour out of our words. Emojis try to replace them with tiny little images which, in my opinion, are utterly inadequate. I also find that there are a lot of anagrams in use. I’m embarrassed to admit that a lot of them I don’t understand. For years I thought LOL meant Lots Of Love. Oops. Now I know it means Laugh out Loud. But there is no dictionary to tell you what they mean! Fortunately, I have friends who take pity on me (I am sure they are smirking although I can’t see it) and they explain things to me. It took me years before I finally broke down and asked what ROTFL meant or SWMBO. (Rolling On The Floor Laughing and She Who Must Be Obeyed) Just in case I’m not alone out here…

Ain’t communication grand!

In a Rush

Frank over at beachwalkreflections.wordpress.com has constantly been inspiring me, enticingly me, compelling me to think. I love it. A recent post of his did just that.  It is called Rush. In its simplest terms it’s about how we as a species always seem to be in a rush. Ain’t it the truth?

It made me think of a story that my mother used to tell me about how I was born. It seems I was in a hurry even then. My mother had been taken to the hospital by my father and the doctor on duty told them that it would be hours before I was born, I was a third child, so my father could continue onto his business event. My mother would be fine. Shortly after my father left, my mother’s doctor came in, took one look at my mother and basically said ‘this woman is about to have a child on the floor!’

We laughed about it. My mother always maintained that if the doctor had not been standing exactly where he was when I literally popped out, I would’ve been smashed against the far wall. And that laid the foundation for my personality. I’ve always been in a rush. I was in a hurry to grow tall enough so that my feet would touch the floor when I sat on a chair. I was in a hurry to grow up so that I could wear make-up, kiss boys, go to university, get a job… I was impatient. I always seemed to do my best work when I was under a time crunch, I loved deadlines. I would often wait until the last minute to do an essay or project because I loved that thrill of near panic. Diamonds are formed under pressure. Yep, I am an original.

That is not to say that I missed my life as it whizzed by.  I savoured my adventures, my relationships, my life. I just did it in second gear. And then I was diagnosed with MS. Talk about an eye-opener. Not only was I forced to slow down, I was forced to stop. You know what happens in a car when you stomp on the brakes. Everything becomes topsy-turvy until it finally settles. That is exactly what happened to me. It took me several years to adjust to a slower speed and even to stopping. But I take the time to enjoy it now. I still love deadlines. I still love the thrill of getting something done just before it’s due. I love working on my blog the day before I’m expected to post something just because it’s exhilarating.

And while my body may have slowed down to a comfortable crawl, my mind is still working in overdrive. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

I Did It!

I did it,

I killed him

I did wilfully commit homicide

I did with malice aforethought take the life of another and end it

I feel no remorse, no compassion.  I feel sated.

The long winter is over and now life can begin anew

He is dead

For a short time, I felt loved as a woman should be loved

And I returned the feelings tenfold.

When you love so deeply you can be hurt just as deeply.

I was lied to.  I was betrayed.

The scars run deep.

Perhaps too deep.

I did not feel his life ooze from between my hands as it left his body.

I did not feel his warm blood lessen the chill in the air

As it slowly covered the ground beneath him.

I did not mark him as he left his mark on me.

But he is dead and I am alive

I will continue to live.  He will not.

He will enrich the soil with his decaying bones

And life will blossom from his effluents.

I am alive.

He no longer holds sway over me.

It is over.

I killed him in my mind.

The Cabal

The dishwasher whispered,

To the toaster one day.

There’s crumbs in my workings,

In an irritating way!

 

The toaster responded,

With a mouth full of bread.

The faults not my own,

It’s the humans I said!

 

The kettle then screamed,

My ass it’s a glow!

Stop bickering this minute,

My lid’s gonna blow!

 

The oven just smiled,

A long gentle burn.

He knew what was coming,

He’d just wait his turn.

 

Then a cold laden breeze,

Filled the room with despair.

With the fridge door ajar,

They knew who was there.

 

“Breakfast is ready”!

Came the bone chilling call.

And the hoards then descended,

On the appliances’ cabal.

 

 

!Rage!

When I was a child, I had a temper. Think volcanic eruption level temper. I once broke my bedroom window from outside without touching the glass. I had skills. And it was just using my fist on the casing. Yep, I had a temper. What do you expect? I was a flaming redhead and there were expectations. My older brother is also a redhead. As my mother was a brunette and my father had dark brown hair, my brother’s parentage was actually questioned. What was even funnier was that the local fire hall had a redheaded fire captain. When I came along seven years later it was almost vindicated. My mother’s background is Northern Ireland and Scotland.

I was a passionate child, empathetic and volatile. As I grew older, I learn to temper my passion and my temper. One day as a young adult at university I was in the throes of a raging temper tantrum, when I happened to see my face in a mirror. To this day I remember that look. I was not impressed. I worked hard to harness and deflate that temper. I was tired of being a stereotype. And I succeeded. But I wonder if it was the right thing.

There was an episode on the original Star Trek called The Enemy Within.  It is about a transporter accident that splits Captain James T Kirk into two versions of himself: one is malevolent and the other is benevolent.  Aggressive and passive. What eventually transpires is that Kirk realizes that the two parts of him are what make him whole. He needs both. And I am starting to believe that rage is like that.

Properly harnessed rage can be used assertively. I no longer blow my stack so to speak. It is more insidious than that. Think of molten lava oozing beneath the surface instead of spewing forcefully from the top of a volcano. Now you don’t have to worry about me screaming, be afraid when I start to whisper.

I have used my harnessed rage when dealing with several major corporations, including government agencies, and I have been victorious. The fact that I was right might’ve been incidental. Hopefully I will never win a battle when I am wrong. I will not step down from conflict when I believe right and wrong is an issue but I will never actively seek it out. I don’t actually enjoy confrontation. But I’m still a redhead at heart . . . so beware . . .

A Bundle of Keys

A bundle of keys,

The memories they hold.

Once gripped in my hand,

My past will unfold.

 

The tales I could tell,

The deeds I have done.

A life that was lived

Was chock full of fun!

 

A lover’s sweet kiss,

In the back of my car.

Miles we had driven,

Some near and some far.

 

My bike had a lock,

I thought it secure.

But wily mean bullies,

Saw that as a lure.

 

The key to my heart,

Is not kept in a box.

It is worn on my sleeve,

My mind holds the locks.

 

A diary of secrets,

Is unlocked with a key.

Dare if you must,

You may just find me!

 

To Be There and Back

A short time ago I read a post by a friend about Homeostasis. Now don’t cringe it is a real thing. It happens all around us all the time, we just tend to ignore it. Frank over at Beach Walk Reflections (beachwalkreflections.wordpress.com) has a wonderful blog that you should check out. Homeostasis is about finding balance.

For the most part we take the idea of balance for granted. We walk, we drive, we run. But when we feel the least bit dizzy or off-balance, we realize how bad it can all become. Think of that on a global scale. Our world is off-balance, misaligned. We have drought in areas and yet a few hours away they’re drowning in flood waters. In some countries record number of people are dying from hunger and other countries there is so much food they are throwing it out. How is that balanced?

As this world evolved there were checks and balances. Predators and prey. At one time it was a finely tuned system. Overtime some species were naturally removed and new ones developed.  And, then we popped up. Talk about throwing a wrench into the works.  In our hubris we decided to give evolution a hand. It was the wrong hand. And what a mess we created. There is a story that I believe happened in Australia about a community that disliked the sound of a particular bird so much they set about eradicating it. With the decline of the bird there was a surplus of a particularly nasty snake. You see the birds’ favourite food was, you guessed it, the nasty snake. The bird was allowed to make a come-back and the snake population declined. Hubris.

The human species is like a small child who wants to run before they can walk. They don’t think what the ramifications will be to putting their hand on a hot stove because, well, they want to. And they don’t seem to learn from the pain. We don’t seem to learn. I am speaking generally and as a species when the truth is, there are those who are fighting to regain the balance. I just hope we haven’t left it too long.

As individuals you may think there’s very little we can do to affect the global imbalances but individuals are part of a community and communities are part of the whole which does affect everything.  So, when I hear someone saying that ‘there’s nothing they can do they’re just one person’ I disagree. Your small part is a part of the bigger picture and a bigger picture can move mountains. It all starts with one person, one belief, one action. Which becomes two, which becomes four, which becomes thousands. That’s how we get our work done…

 

 

 

 

 

Errant Thoughts

An errant thought crept up on me,

I didn’t have a chance.

It made me climb a big old tree,

And pushed me off a branch!

 

Then I waded in a pool,

With mud and creepy crawlies!

Something wrapped around my leg,

How somethings’ get their jollies!

 

Please! Oh please! Just let me out!

Let my thoughts be nice.

A hunk of cheese, a glass of wine,

Perhaps leave out the mice!

 

But I fear, it’s not to be,

My thought is on a bender.

It thinks of things I’d never do!

Could I just surrender?

 

Bungee jumping from a plane?

I think that thought is crazy!

Deep sea diving and no mask?

The world is getting hazy!

 

I was startled from the thought,

Alarms began to squawk!

Now the world is settling down,

It’s just my bedside clock!

Kindly Clutter

 

Last weekend I had an unusual occurrence. I stopped thinking. Now that sounds a little odd but my mind is constantly in motion. It’s a little creepy when I say it out loud but it simply means I am always aware of thoughts. Good thoughts. I work out short stories in my head or posts for my blog or poems.  A lot of my quips come out of my gentle musings. I watch TV or read  to distract me but I’m rarely able to do one thing at a time. And then last weekend it all stopped.

You know how people are always saying in order to truly relax you must rid your mind of all thought. I can’t do that. I’m like a hamster on a wheel going around and around and around. It’s been like this my entire life so to me it’s just like white noise. My mind is always cogitating in the background and for the most part I don’t pay attention. I explained to a friend that one has a brain, a mind and body. We are our own trinity.  Think of it as your brain is the hardware, your mind is the software and your body is the packaging that keeps everything from falling apart. I told you my mind works in strange ways. So, when it stopped, I was . . . bereft.

Do you remember the expression:  “Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink”? It’s from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Of course, I modified it for my circumstances . . . Clutter, clutter everywhere and not a thought to think. My mind is full of clutter, as is my home. I have always admired the concept of minimalism but I could never live that way. I need my clutter. It enlightens me, it inspires me, it consoles me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

For almost two days I wandered around my apartment trying to distract myself. Fortunately, my weeks-worth of posting was already set. It’s like walking through a visual world and not being able to see. One of my senses was gone. It was not gone for long. But it did leave me unsettled. I have now gotten a post out of it so it wasn’t all bad.

I greatly admire people who have lost an ability and have been able to function beautifully with what they have left. Then again maybe I do understand. I lost my legs 20 years ago or rather I lost the use of them. I’ve been in a wheelchair for two decades and my life really hasn’t changed significantly. Yes, I have to modify how things are done and there are things that do defeat me but I can usually find a work-around. It helps to be tenacious and occasionally cranky. The Ancient Mariner may have been becalmed on a salty sea with nothing to drink but I have people and words to go to for thoughtful nourishment.