What do you believe in? Do you believe in a supreme being that has mapped out each individual path? In which case there is no personal choice, our lives are fated and we cannot change the course it must take.
Or do you believe that our lives are self-directed? This would mean that each path we cross will have an impact on the choices we make. Or perhaps it is a combination of both. There is a supreme being who offers us choices and we must choose the path to follow. I must tell you, from my perspective, that supreme being has one hell of a lot to answer for! Not that I am in a hurry to shake his or her hand, but come on. You give me an incurable disease, make me pay a fortune for the ‘stuff’ to function in today’s society and then have the audacity to make it rain!!! It must be tough being omnipotent. Nothing surprises you ‘cause you caused it all. Boring!
I do not belief that what happens to us is merely at the whim of a supreme being anymore than I think we have full control over our lives. We are born naked and innocent. From that moment we are constantly bombarded with information. Our parents, our siblings, doctors, bus drivers, everyone we come into contact with throughout our lives has an influence on who we become. How we deal with adversity is a result of that lifelong input. We cannot control the world around us, just how we react to it. Our belief structure is based on the need for acceptance. It also helps to have someone else to blame. “The devil made me do it.”
How we deal with disease or any perceived imperfection is directly related to our beliefs, be they spiritual or secular. No one is perfect. No one is without any redeeming qualities. And as hard as it may be, your belief in others and in yourself will get you through anything.
The Dark Days
They will happen. They may last days, weeks or even months. MS is like that. It lies in wait and just when you think things are going extremely well, they are not When I become sad I try to do several things. If I watch a sad movie I can cry without the MS being the reason. I can also watch a very funny movie or read a very funny book. Laughter does help. Tea to me is a wonderful panacea. I know it is just a beverage but it is calming to me. I try not to call on family or friends because I do not want to verbalize what is happening. It just makes it all too real. Now that is really odd. All the experts say you must talk to someone when you are depressed. I agree, completely. I am not depressed, I am sad. You may think it is the same thing but there I disagree. Depression is severe sadness, it can cause you to harm yourself and it can alter your emotional balance, make you imagine the worst is happening. I am fully aware of what is happening to me and I can adjust, but I will not go easily. I do not like what is happening to me and yes I am aware of what could happen. We all deal with certain amounts of sadness so I am not any different than anyone else. Of course when it is happening to you it is always THE WORST.
I will get through this, I will adjust. So will you. You have survived this long. Do not give up the battle, do not go quietly. Scream if you have to, beat on a pillow (not your significant other!!) Find something that works for you. You can do it, I can do it. Chin up. Look out world, here we come