Tag Archives: smile

All Hallows Eve

 

 

It’s a dark quiet night,

The mist seems so slow.

The sounds that you hear,

They are deep and they’re low.

 

Something’s alive,

Like the hairs on your neck.

So very determined,

They creep slowly erect.

 

A touch on your shoulder,

A hand out of sight.

You skin starts to quiver,

You’ve taken a fright.

 

Look not behind you,

Breathe deeply and pray.

They’re moving so closely,

You hope they don’t stay.

 

There are goblins and witches,

A vampire or three.

They’re starting their haunt night,

So dangerously free.

 

Evil surrounds you,

It must be remembered.

Nothing is sacred,

You could be dismembered.

 

Of spectres and ghouls,

It’s one day a year.

Zombies and trolls,

There is so much to fear.

 

Take care you don’t anger,

Those near in your sight.

Membership is optional,

Except for tonight.

A Lizard Smiled

 

A little lizard smiled at me,

I don’t know what to say.

He looked back and then he winked,

It took my breath away!

 

He flicked his tail above his head,

As if in brisk salute.

And then he turned away from me,

He was so very cute!

 

He winked again and then he smiled,

And I knew our time was brief.

I thanked him kindly in my way,

Then watched in disbelief!

 

He seemed to stand upon his toes,

A ballet dance in motion.

Then I blinked and he was gone,

Was he just a notion?

Addled

An addled mind,

The dreams won’t let go.

Struggles to wake,

This battle’s for show!

 

There’s grit in my eyes,

And drool on my lips,

A crease on my cheeks,

And a kink in my hips!

 

I must be alert,

For this life I now live.

Expectations galore,

They take and I give.

 

All work and no play,

Or play and no work,

The rhythm’s all off,

I feel such a dork.

 

The answer is plain,

To questions I ask,

It must happen now,

An ominous task.

 

But do it I shall,

By the strength of my will!

I should be remembered,

For ages until . . .

 

I lay down beside me,

My pillow is soft.

Another five minutes,

Of dreaming aloft.

    The Perfect Crime

 

                                       

How do you commit the perfect crime?  So many offences have come dangerously close to being perfect, it is frightening. Actually, there are many unsolved crimes that by virtue of the fact that the perpetrator has not been apprehended, it was a perfect crime.  But let’s talk about the perfect crime, the perfect murder.  How does someone commit a murder that no one knows about?  Would it have to appear to be an accident? Accidents happen all the time.  To garner the most out of committing such a crime, it would be important that there be a suspicion of murder but no proof, no witnesses, no accomplices. Nothing to tie the murder to the murderer.

                                       – A woman shoots an intruder (husband, oops

                                     – Normal teetotaler develops drinking problem (has witnesses) due to stress – wife problems.  Accidentally runs down and kills co-worker while intoxicated, who just happens to be sleeping with wife.  Accused didn’t know?  Swears off drink.

Are these perfect crimes?  No.  The accused may get off but they still go to court. It is still known that they did the crime; they are just able to prove extenuating circumstances.

The perfect crime would perplex the investigator.  No cause of death would be found perhaps, but the victim would be dead.

                                     – frighten someone with a weak heart to death

                                     – Tricking the victim into eating something they are allergic to – peanuts

Killing a stranger would be too easy.  It would have to be someone you know.  Someone whose death would allow you to benefit in some way.  So, our character list includes, a victim who has something to offer.  Revenge is not a good enough motive because it is not profitable.  If you are going to seek revenge you want the victim alive and aware of what you have done, legally.  They must have no recourse. Destroying someone is so much more satisfying than murder.  So, to commit a murder there must be a profit.  Something to make it worthwhile. Working on the premise you have a victim in mind, you need a method.  Motive lies with the victim.  You can’t choose a victim without a reason hence the motive.

 So, method.

                                  – Poison – traceable

                                  – Blunt instrument – messy

                                  – gun/knife – messy

                                 – Electrocution – requires some rudimentary understanding of electricity

Then you need an investigator who is not easily fooled.  It is so much more satisfying to have a worthy adversary.  And of course, we must not forget the murderer.  There must be no witnesses or chance of witnesses, no accomplices, no one to become a loose end.  No dates waiting to be picked up, no one who swears the victim had a pattern and would never deviate from it. Now it starts to get interesting.

Let us choose a hypothetical victim say, an elderly uncle who is very wealthy.  As the only living relative you would stand to inherit the works.  So, it becomes profitable. Unless the uncle really dislikes you and plans to leave everything to an animal shelter. No.  You have always had a relatively good relationship with the uncle.  Perhaps not close, but you do believe you are in his Will.  Do you take the risk that you are not? No. we will work on the assumption that you are in the Will. He has even mentioned it once or twice.

Ok. Now we have a victim and a motive.  A profitable one.  But you are not destitute.  You are not in a position of great need.  Too great a need places too many stresses on the enterprise and will lead to mistakes.  One mistake could be one too many.  No, you are preparing for the future.   Besides, it could make an arresting challenge. Pun intended.  A little humour helps to ease the stress.  After all this is a very serious subject.  Preparing for one’s future should never be taken lightly.

Are there stairs in your uncle’s home? A loose tread could cause a fatal fall.  If you set it up in advance, you probably would be far away from the accident.  Of course, there is no challenge in an accident.  No.  It must appear to be murder by someone unknown. A burglar? Too clichéd. A disgruntled ex-employee? Possible.  But no-one should be named. That entails someone else becoming involved. Too dangerous. Too many players. How about a single shot from a distance, late at night?  Very possible.  Can you shoot a gun?  You would be a suspect. And it is so messy.  Would you want to live in a house with a blood stain on the rug?  Of course, you would be rich enough to replace the rug.

When the investigators approach you, and they will, you are a relative, you must be shocked.  Watch your reactions, these people are trained observers. Don’t weep too much and certainly do not beat your chest, or pull your hair out.  Acknowledge the situation, tear up, choke up a little, not too much, and definitely sit down. Shake your head slightly. It would help to practice this scene, but never with an audience.  It should not appear to be studied.

Of course, you still have to work out how you plan to execute this deed.  Planning is everything.  Just be sure not to write anything down.  A written record really would be dumb.  Take your time and plan, plan, plan.

Oh, and one more thing.  While you were trying to work out the Most Efficient Means of dispatching your uncle, he succumbed to a massive heart-attack.  His funeral is next Thursday and the animal shelter wishes to acknowledge your uncle’s incredible generosity by giving you a puppy.  The licensing fee is $15.00.  Payable by cash or credit card.  Have a nice day.

The End

Context

 

As many of you know I love to listen in on other peoples’ conversations.  No, I don’t mean that I stalk individuals and listen illegally into their discussions. But I have been known to trail after an interesting couple simply to hear the rest of what they are saying. But allow me to give it some context. If you hear someone speaking about murdering another, you really want to know more.

We live in a society where everyone seems to have a mobile phone connected to their ear lobe. I cannot count the number of times I have been forced to speak up before a person runs into me simply because they’re paying attention to their phone and not what was in front of them. Ah, the joys of technology!

We can’t know exactly what someone else is talking about on the phone or in a text. We don’t know what that individual is dealing with. Is the text to a girlfriend/boyfriend explaining that they are pregnant, accepted into that prestigious law firm or asking for them to bring home milk?

We live in a society of tidbits. We hear snippets of a conversation walking down the street, often more than one. We are jostled by someone trying to get into the store and for a micro second we share a look. What is that person dealing with? Are they happy, sad, frustrated, suicidal, manic, murderous? We don’t know. And yet we often make judgments based on a split-second interaction. Tidbits.

No one seems to know the whole story about anything. The Media included. Politicians tell us what they think we want to hear.  Is there any truth in what they have to say? Possibly. Friends speak from the heart and sometimes tell you what you need to hear. But often they tell you what they believe will make you feel better.  What is the truth? And is the truth something that needs to be relayed all the time? I don’t think so. Let me give you a little context. A friend had convinced me to go to a new hairdresser. She was a Stylist from New York!   She had a very heady reputation and they could fit me in. I think I was supposed to be honored. When I entered her very luxurious salon I was asked if I wanted a Perrier. I did not. She then spent 15 minutes talking to me. She told me she wanted to know what kind of person I was so that she could give me the haircut I needed.  She spent quite a bit of time whipping my hair into… something? After I had forked over the national debt for a small country, I left. I don’t think she was terribly impressed with me. We didn’t speak.

I have never been to New York. I hear is a “happening” city.  Food, Fashion, Finance. The Holy F’s?  Perhaps the haircut I received was considered fashionable in the mecca that is considered Manhattan.  I don’t live in New York. I explained I was quite conservative and liked the simple things. My hair looked like it had been cut by an eight-year-old high on cocaine with dull scissors and a tick.  I wish I was kidding. My sister was getting married in a week. There would be pictures.

I went back to my regular hairdresser and pleaded with him to fix it. It became really short. Oh, and that very fashionable New York hairstylist? She moved on to more appropriate grounds.  Lesson learned. Context.

Dinner Plans

A Cornish hen doesn’t care about salt
Or roasting pans overheating.

A Dairy Cow has made new plans
That don’t involve her udders.

The chicken’s gone, it hitched a ride
Aboard a boat of cheese.

And next in line I’ve heard it said
The condiments are leaving.

Knives and forks and plates are staying
But oh so unencumbered.

The pizza left and donuts too
The shakes are starting off.

Vegetables are getting out
The fruits are right behind.

Your dinner plans may be on hold
The ingredients are striking!

Endlessly twisted

 

Deliciously creepy

ingenuously so.

Wicked surrounds us

from above and below.

 

The story is told

about this and of that.

Meandering journeys

of experiences pat.

 

But wait just a moment

something’s not tight.

A change unexpected

a twist to the right.

 

An unknown is coming

perhaps from behind.

An end yet unseen

a trick of the mind.

 

This story is done

a reader’s delight.

My interest was held

the ending just right.

 

I Was Abducted!

 

 

A few days ago, I was watching a documentary on sharks. I have always been fascinated by these creatures. They have been around, virtually unchanged, for millions of years. Homo Sapiens have only been around for approximately 200,000 years.  Depending on the scientist, it may be less.

This documentary showed a shark being examined, tested. It was caught and then taken out of the water by means of a platform that raised it up to where the scientists could reach it. It didn’t seem to be terribly happy about the situation but quite a few divers made sure it stayed put.  A hose through the gills helped it to continue breathing.

As a species we are curious.  We want to know why and how. We want to know everything about the creatures we share this planet with.  We document eating habits, mating habits, how they sleep, where they travel, their young . . . the list is endless.

As I watched the scientists taking blood samples, poking into orifices and attaching a tracking device to the animal, I wondered . . . It sounded eerily like a human recounting of their experience with an abduction!

I wonder what the shark did when he was released? Did he go and tell all his friends about his experience?

 

“Oh man you will never guess what happened to me! I was taken!”

“What are you talking about? Are you eating plankton again? You know, that stuff makes you see things that aren’t there.”

“No! No! It just happened this morning! They took me up to a ship, and, and, I was probed! I saw those creatures; you know the ones with black rubber skin and one big eye with two more behind it. They have got four appendages and they walk on two of them. They all look the same! And They were touching me!”

“Calm down.”

“Bob said he was abducted three weeks ago. I didn’t believe him. I do now! And I think they left a probe inside me, by my dorsal fin. Maybe they’re tracking me! Maybe they want to know where I am so they can pick me up again! I got to get out of here! I got to go somewhere where they can’t find me! I’m warning you . . . They could come for you next!”

“Nah, they were probably just seals. Look, plankton is not something you can eat on a regular basis.  It makes you hallucinate. I know you see some of the big guys eating it but you’re just not capable of holding your plankton.”